If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
