Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
