ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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