Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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