"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
