I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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