I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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