You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
