We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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