Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
