Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
