i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
