just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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