I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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