When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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