fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
