THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Come on in and take your pants off
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