exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
MIDGETS
????
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize