so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
