Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
