I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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