I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
