that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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