If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
