hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
