im six kinds of drunk right now
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
