Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
