My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
