just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
