Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
