It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
