Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
