So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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