so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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