ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
