dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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