I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
