Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
