It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
