at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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