I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
