Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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