if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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