I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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