I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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