Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
