there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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