I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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