does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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