Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize