all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize