just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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