Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
