He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
