is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
