Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
