so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
