At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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