i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we made out on top of his cat.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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