Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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