Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
