If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
