Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
