You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
