just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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