She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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