He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
