so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
