i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
this hospital has no fireball
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
