I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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